


carved on a river, written in the air

by jellojelly



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2nd fic and i still dont know how to tag fml, Angst, Divorce, LAST CHAPTER IS FLUFF YES FINALLY, M/M, Self-Doubt, There is Homophobia, drunk ong, ioi's kim doyeon is present bc y not, ongniel cries here, pls prepare tissues, rider niel, self-depracation, slight infidelity?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-01-31 02:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12666822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellojelly/pseuds/jellojelly
Summary: Daniel tastes the bitter aftertaste of cigarette in his mouth, making him crave for another stick, but there's no time for that. Seongwoo is waiting for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> whipped this out in like 2 hours, im not entirely sure why i wrote this even lmao. anyway, here it is, have some ongniel angst. not beta-ed so forgive my mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel could not clearly remember why he agreed to meet up with his friends in a club like this.

But the good and cheap price of alcohol made up for the shitty environment of such place.

Daniel was in the middle of downing his second glass of beer. He was out with his friends for a late night drink at one of the nightclubs tucked in their town's small alleys cowards would not dare to pass by alone, when his phone screen lit up and on it displayed is a number he's all to familiar with.

A frown forms as he answers the call.

"Hello, Seongwoo hyung?"

"Danieehll..." Seongwoo mumbles from the other line. Daniel, amidst the blaring club music, can still somehow make out how drunk Seongwoo was. "Danieelll!!"  

Daniel is not stupid. Even if he's already had a few drinks, he's still sober enough to presume that Seongwoo is drunk out of his mind. He sighs, throwing away the cigarette and crushing it with his feet.

"Are you alright, hyung?"

"Please pick me up, I'm all alone."

"Seongwoo hyung, where are you?"

"Guess where!" Seongwoo giggles, trying to provoke Daniel's playful side. "Go on babe, guess!!" 

"I don't want to guess, babe..." Daniel raises his tone in an attempt to ride in with Seongwoo's drunk state. His friends turn their attention to him, glancing at him warily.

Seongwoo audibly giggles, "Aww, my Daniel is so impatient." he says, before proceeding to tell Daniel his whereabouts. Daniel immediately recognizes the place as one of the high-end bars in the heart of the city. "I love you babe! I can't wait to see you!"

Daniel takes a deep breath, bringing himself back to reality. He quickly collected his things and left some bills as payment. "Sorry guys, I need to run."

"Daniel-" Jisung starts only to be cut out by the same person he was calling.

"I'll see you guys again soon!" 

And with that, Daniel takes his helmet from its position on the plush couch and makes a run for the club's exit. He fishes his keys from his pockets and proceeds to his rundown motorbike parked among other similar motorbikes in front of the small club. He rides with the wind as he whirs past vehicles, trying to get to Seongwoo as fast as he can. Daniel tastes the bitter aftertaste of cigarette in his mouth, making him crave for another stick, but there's no time for that. Seongwoo is waiting for him. 

He takes a turn and bright lights welcome him as he enters the bustling and busy streets of the heart of Seoul. He takes a left turn and he finally arrives at the bar. The bouncer by the door greets him, recognizing Daniel as one of their regular customers before.

Daniel enters the bar and instantly, the smell of expensive alcohol and expensive perfume fill his entire being, making him shiver in discomfort. Despite coming here before, he will never get used to the luxuries of the elite. He feels out of place with his ripped jeans, worn out kicks, and old Thrasher shirt seeing how most of the people inside where wearing business clothes or designer brands. The young man scans his eyes around the bar, stopping only when he found his target on one of the high stools near the bartender. Seongwoo had his head down, resting on his arms while he stares with utmost interest at the glass of whatever alcohol he had that night.

"Oh, Daniel! I haven't seen you here in a while!" the bartender, who Daniel has come to know as Taehyun, greeted him as he neared the bar. 

"Yeah, I was, I was busy." Daniel responds, proceeding to sit beside Seongwoo, who immediately raised his head upon recognition of the younger male.

"Daniel!" Seongwoo cheered before wobbling out of his seat to jump and drape himself all over Daniel, burying his nose on the neckline of the younger's shirt. "You finally came!"

"Looks like lover boy missed his boyfriend huh?" Taehyun comments.

Daniel smiles at Taehyun, hyperaware of Seongwoo's breath fanning his neck. When Taehyun proeeds to serve other customers, Daniel looks down at Seongwoo was still has him trapped in a tight hug.

"Let's get you home." Daniel finally manages himself to say, tapping Seongwoo's butt lightly as he bids for Seongwoo to stand up. He guides the older man towards the bar exit, his hand around Seongwoo's small waist for support.

"You didn't bring your car, didn't you?" Daniel asks.

Seongwoo pouts at him before shaking his head, "Why should I bring my car when I have my trusty Kang Daniel guard doggo extraordinaire whom I love love love to pick me up!"

Daniel chuckles, "Well then, can you manage to sit upright on my motorbike?" 

"Yup!" 

Guiding Seongwoo while he rides on the motorbike, Daniel realizes that he only has one helmet. Nonetheless, he gives it to Seongwoo and begs to the heavens that the authorities would not catch and penalize him, or worse get into an accident. Daniel perches himself on the seat and without further ado, Seongwoo already has his hands around Daniel's waist, his warmth radiating and spreading all over Daniel's back. 

Seongwoo was surprisingly silent the whole ride, but the tightness of his hug was constant; as if loosening his hold would take Daniel away from him.

A half an hour, and a few detours to avoid traffic enforcers later, they finally arrive in front of Seongwoo's ~~house~~ mansion. Daniel quickly gets off his motorbike to help his drunk passenger off. Seongwoo, fortunately, could at least stand on his own feet now without wobbling. Gently, Daniel removes Seongwoo's helmet and fixes some hair strands that got out of its proper place.

As Daniel was doing this, he can feel the intensity of Seongwoo's gaze on his face, and he's trying,  _trying so hard,_  to avoid that gaze.

"Okay, you're good." Daniel says as he finishes fiddling with Seongwoo's hair. He glances at the older man, only to find him still staring at him.

However, the next thing he knew is Seongwoo was hugging him again. Daniel did not know that it was possible, but he can surely say that this hug was tighter than any of the hugs Seongwoo gave him earlier that night.

"Seongwoo hyung," Daniel muttered under his breath but enough for Seongwoo to hear, "Seongwoo hyung." When Seongwoo did not show any sign of response, Daniel succumbs to using _that_ card. " _B_ _abe."_ Seongwoo perks up from his comfortable position on Daniel's shoulders. "Babe, you need to get in already."

"I will get in, if you will get in too. I'm not letting go..." Seongwoo slurred but it was enough for Daniel to hear.

Daniel grabs Seongwoo's arms and struggles to escape from the lithe man's embrace. Strange, how what was usually his heaven here on earth has now become something he wants to get away from.

And then, Seongwoo is sobbing.

Daniel abruptly stops himself from escaping Seongwoo's arms, and sighs in resignation. He hesitates, he thinks of all the things that could happen if he succumbs to his selfishness and keeps Seongwoo all for himself. 

Soon, the young man gives up to his own heart's desire.  Daniel wraps his arms around Seongwoo's form, buries his face on the crook of the man's neck and inhales his scent, as if trying to stamp that certain smell in his mind so he won't be able to forget it.

"I miss you so much." Seongwoo manages to choke out in between sobs, and Daniel finds himself on the verge of tears. He perks his head up to plant a longing kiss on the other's temple, closing his eyes as he tries his best to stop the uninvited tears to fall. "I can't even last a day without thinking of you. I can't stop the thoughts of you from entering my head. Everywhere I look, all the things I see seem to remind me of you. Damn, I miss you, so, so bad."

"I miss you too, Seongwoo hyung. More than you can imagine." Daniel caresses Seongwoo's head with his right hand. "But we can't do anythi--"

"I love you."

"Seongwoo hyung..."

"I love you, Daniel."

"C'mon, hyung you know you can't love me anymore. It's been so long, hyung. You're already married, and I, well, I'm doing fine. Pl--"

"No one can tell me otherwise and nothing can ever change that. No one can ever replace you."

 And that's when Daniel finally cries.

Finally, he cries for the first time after his break-up with Seongwoo one and a half year ago.

Daniel feels his heart tear to pieces as he questions why must the world be so cruel, why must the society have its gender standards, why must Seongwoo have such expectations from his family, and why did fate even decide to let them cross paths if they weren't meant to be with each other anyway. 

"Seongwoo hyung, your wife is probably waiting for you inside. Get yourself together." Daniel stutters, trying to sound as strong as he can.

"Fuck her. Fuck my parents. Fuck everyone. I only want you."

"Hyung, please. You're drunk and not in your right mind."

 "Shitfaced or not, I need you back, Daniel."

 "I'm sorry, hyung. But I don't want to ruin a marriage. So please, don't make it harder for me hyung and let go. Stop calling me, delete my number, and stop thinking about me." Daniel pleads, his tears rolling down his eyes. "You need to forget about me."

Daniel takes a deep breath, "Please stop loving me, hyung."

At that moment, Seongwoo's sobs got louder making the his arms around Daniel loosen. The action allowed the younger man to unwillingly turn around and push the button for the doorbell.

The gates opened and out came a person who looks like one of Seongwoo's assistants at home. He eyes Daniel questionably, then his eyes land upon Seongwoo's slouching form. "Sir!"

Daniel clears his throat, "Uhh I'm a, a good friend of Seongwoo. He got drunk, so I figured I needed to take him home, please take care of him." Danie says trying his best to sound as though he hasn't been crying.  He quickly shuffles to his feet, proceeding to ride his motorbike, ready to leave to prevent further questions from the servant. 

The man eyes him suspiciously before taking a hold of Seongwoo and motioning him to come inside the threshold. "Oh, well. Thank you for sending Mr. Ong home. I'll immediately tell his wife about this, she's currently on her way home."

"Please don't bother. I don't want her to worry about him. Just let him sleep." Daniel says before turning his back to Seongwoo. "I'm going now."

He puts on his helmet and faces forward, not even bothering to spare a glance at Seongwoo,  whom he knows is still begging with his eyes for Daniel to tear him away from this marriage that he did not even want.

Daniel did not look not because he doesn't want too.

Daniel did not look because he's afraid that the moment he meets Seongwoo's pleading eyes, he might succumb to his selfishness and set aside all his life principles and morals just to take the risk and run away with Seongwoo despite his marriage. 

With a heavy heart, he starts the engine with the older's words ringing inside his head and ears like an exasperating broken record.

_I miss you, so, so bad._

_I only want you._

_I need you back, Daniel._

_I love you, Daniel._

Despite this, Daniel leaves, for he knows that Seongwoo doesn't belong to him  _anymore_.

 


	2. carved on a river, written in the air: part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But then Seongwoo remembers how Daniel kissed his temple last night, how Daniel hugged him tight, and how Daniel looked at him as if he was still the center of the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now for ong's say in this story!!! sorry for the wait. :) also doyeon is supposedly the same age as daniel here. again, not beta-ed so i apologize for mistakes.

 

 

 

 

_A shooting pain._

Seongwoo feels a shooting pain strike through the back of his head towards his forehead as he slowly crosses the border between dreamland and reality. He flutters his eyes open, wincing when the blinding sunlight filtered through his windows. 

Glancing at the digital clock above his work table, he saw that he was already two hours late for work.

Being late, partnered with the ugly hangover he's experiencing now, he decided that it would be best to skip work. Seongwoo quickly snatched his phone from the bedside table despite his headache to send his boss an apology text for being absent today.

After Seongwoo pressed send, he placed the phone back on his suit pocket.

_Wait?_

_Suit pocket?_

_Why am I wearing my suit in bed?_

And then all of last night's memories came rushing back to him, making his already pained head hurt and throb all the more. 

"Daniel..." he whispers under his breath, afraid that someone might hear his silent plead.

What he remembers were not exactly vivid, most of it were blurry fragments of last night's events.

Seongwoo recalls himself finding his way to his and Daniel's favorite bar they fancied visiting back when they were still dating. 

Daniel used to hate going to places like that because he was convinced that he doesn't fit in those type of places (with him being a college dropout who only earns money through being a dance trainer in one of the small talent companies in town.)

However, Seongwoo can charm his way to everyone's heart. Eventually, with Seongwoo's incessant coaxing, Daniel agreed to go there regularly and later on he loved the place more as he got to taste some of the best alcohol he's ever had in his life, thanks to Seongwoo.

Seongwoo doesn't usually drink alone, but last night, his stress has reached it's limit.

Who wouldn't be stressed when your parents casually send you a text saying that they already want to have a grandchild soon and yet his marriage with Doyeon is entirely bullshit?

He also recalls riding Daniel's motorcycle again after more than one year.

He remembers being in Daniel's embrace. Those protective and warm arms that have always felt like home to him.

He recalls Daniel planting a kiss on his temple while he cries his eyes out.

Most importantly, he recalls seeing Daniel's back, speeding away and leaving him with his heart yet again crushed in pieces. Strangely enough, this was the same imagery he witnessed the day Daniel broke up with him.

Seongwoo grunted, running his hands up and down his face multiple times in some sort of vexation. 

No, don't get him wrong. Seongwoo does not, will never, regret what he did last night. He will never regret all those times when he drunk called or drunk texted Daniel, because those were the only times that he was able to be with Daniel after they broke up. If it was just a normal sober call or text, surely Daniel would not come as fast as he does when Seongwoo is shitfaced. As selfish as it portrays Seongwoo to be, he isn't even ashamed. He _needs_ to be with Daniel, even for just an hour or two every once in a while to stay sane.

Besides, Seongwoo, nor his wife, Doyeon, wanted this commitment.

It was arranged by their parents who has got nothing better to do aside from meddling with their son's and daughter's love life. Seongwoo and Doyeon, being the filial children that they are agreed to the marriage even though Seongwoo had Daniel and Doyeon had a boyfriend of her own.

The wedding was held in a court and was presided by a judge. Their parents were _nice enough_ to decide that their official wedding rites are only to be conducted once they have already " _realized their love for each other"_ (Seongwoo chuckled at that). Now, they live in an almost-mansion given to them by Doyeon's parents.  Doyeon's family is well-off, her dad is a senator and her mom is a businesswoman. Nothing compared to Seongwoo. Seongwoo's family can be filed into the middle-class ranking, they have enough for their needs and can also provide for their wants.

Seongwoo gets up from his bed, freshens up, and puts on some comfortable clothes since he's skipping work today. He descends the stairs only to find Doyeon already having her breakfast. He sees a pot in the middle of the table, and just with the smell he can already presume that it was hangover soup.

"Sunghyuk told the maid to prepare hangover soup for you, so oppa probably got drunk last night?" Doyeon asked, sipping on her tea.

Seongwoo dragged the chair in front of her and proceeded to munch down the hangover soup. "Yeah, I did. What else did Sunghyuk say?"

 "Well he said a big rider guy with an awfully large physique but looked like an overgrown puppy took you home last night and that you kinda looked like you cried. Based on that I presume that was Daniel?" Doyeon teased him. "What happened? Drunk dialled? Again?"

 You see,  Doyeon and Seongwoo's dynamics had become like that of a brother-sister rather than a husband-wife after their wedding. It just did not work for them, there was nothing, no spark, no romantic love, no connection, hell, they don't even share a bedroom.  So it's not a surprising thing that they've already talked about each other's lives in the uneventful 1 year that they lived together after the "marriage".

 "It's not my fault that my drunken persona still yearns for him."

 Doyeon laughs, "Oh please, we both know that even your sober persona yearns for him."

 "Shut up!" Seongwoo snapped at her, playfully throwing a piece of leek at the younger woman who had amazing acrobatic skills allowing her to dodge it successfully. Silence took over them as Doyeon finishes her tea.

 "Oppa, did you... did you receive a text yesterday from your parents?" Doyeon carefully throws the question, afraid that Seongwoo might have no idea what she is talking about. But Seongwoo does, so he hums as a response. "I don't want to talk about a serious topic this early and while you're still hungover but..."

 "It's fine, go ahead. I'm sure we're both on the same side on this one." Seongwoo reassures her, munching down a piece of meat with all his might.

 "Divorce... we can already get a divorce, right?" Doyeon opens the topic carefully, "I mean, it's already been a year or so, I'm sure if we tell them that even if we already were together for one year and yet we really did not match with each other then they'll agree, right?" 

 Seongwoo's eyes catch sight of something sparkly on Doyeon's right hand. 

  _An engagement ring._

A fond and relieved smile bloomed on Seongwoo's face. "Your boyfriend proposed, didn't he?" Doyeon's cheeks flush red and Seongwoo did not need anymore words. "I'm glad. I'm happy for you, Doyeon-ah!"

"Stop it!" Doyeon's hands flew to cover her burning cheeks, "Don't change the topic!"

"Ah. Yes, divorce." Seongwoo hummed, "Well, true, I think it's already a reasonable time for that. I'll call the lawyer later."

 "Thank you! When you get married with Daniel, make sure that I get invited, okay? Of course the both of you'll be invited to my wedding too." Doyeon cheered, and Seongwoo is more than happy to see that this woman, whom he already had grown to have a familial affection for, be this happy after a long while.

Seongwoo chuckled, "Doyeon-ah, Daniel and I broke up before our wedding, remember. We're a different case from you and your boyfriend. The future is still uncertain for us, who knows he might be dating someone right now." 

"Uh, I don't think so. Daniel is downright whipped for you. Well, that is based on your stories." Doyeon's nonchalant expression shifted into doubt as she squinted her eyes at Seongwoo. "Unless, you're a pathological liar and those things you told me were fake and you're the only one who's whipped for him." Doyeon side-eyed him.

 Seongwoo smiled, a painful smile, "We both used to be so whipped for each other."

 "Yeah right "used to be" as if you still both aren't _still_ whipped for each other now." Doyeon rolls her eyes and stands up from her place in the dining table. "See how Daniel is still always there when you're drunk out of your mind and needs a ride home?"

 "We're already a past now. And those drunk meet-ups does not count."

 "That's why we're finally getting a divorce! To take that past and make it a present. And so that you won't need to be drunk and shitfaced to meet your prince charming." Doyeon flipped her hair gracefully. Sometimes, Seongwoo wonders why she did not go for a modelling job or acting job instead of pursuing her studies.

Divorce is not impossible, but Seongwoo is afraid. Afraid of all the uncertainties that the future holds. Afraid that Daniel might push him away. Afraid that Daniel might have found someone new to replace Seongwoo after all these months. Afraid that Daniel does not love him the same way as before.

But then Seongwoo remembers how Daniel kissed his temple last night, how Daniel hugged him tight,  and how Daniel looked at him as if he was still the center of the universe.

With that, Seongwoo's anxiety slowly dissipates, courage and his overflowing love for Daniel even after all these months replace the dreaded thoughts of rejection.

Doyeon laid a comforting hand on Seongwoo's shoulder, "Oppa, you know that if it is written in the book of fate that the two of you two meet and fall in love, making everything feel right, then I'm sure fate will also lead you back to each other."

"I hope so Doyeon, I hope so."

For now, all Seongwoo can do is hope.

Hope for the better.

Hope that they weren't carved on a river and written in the air, for he knows that he belongs to Daniel.

No scratch that.

He had always belonged to Daniel.

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might or might not make a sequel of this story if the feedback is once again good enough. so comment away! :D


	3. carved on a river, written in the air: part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pang of pain reverberates in Seongwoo's heart. He wants to be mad at Daniel, for easily giving up, for not fighting for him, but then he figures that whatever happened to them was also partly his fault. He was the one who decided to obey his parents anyways, and Daniel just respected his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hai sorry for the wait!!! here's the follow up chapter!!
> 
> i added the tag homophobia, just in case you didnt notice. :)

 

 

 

 

 

"It's been a nice one year with you my little Doyeon, make sure to not be a stranger when we bump into each other, okay?" Seongwoo reached forward to ruffle Doyeon's jet black hair.

Doyeon's face scrunched up as her hands flew to her head, trying to fix the strands that Seongwoo had disturbed, "Aye oppa! Stop messing with my hair!"

"Okay okay, I'm sorry." Seongwoo raised his hands up in resignation, "I'm leaving now! Make sure you don't set this house on fire until you move in here with your husband in a few months!"

"Of course! What am I, a kid?"

"Well, yes, sometimes you are a kid Doyeon-ah."

Seongwoo smiled fondly at this woman in front of him whom he held close to his heart as a little sister already. Earlier this morning, the last hearing for their divorce took place and now they are officially untied. They knew already from the start that the court will approve of their divorce, considering that the decision was mutual and they their reasons were valid. Doyeon's parents took the news positively, thanking them for at least trying and afterwards apologizing for trying to monopolize their future by meddling with their lovelife. Doyeon, however, has not told them about his engagement with his boyfriend yet as she is still finding the right timing.

Seongwoo's parents were a different story. They were furious. Furious because they knew Seongwoo did not even try. Furious because they knew Seongwoo would go back to dating men. 

You see, Seongwoo's parents are homophobes, his father, actually, his mother just kind of goes with what her husband wants. They never approved of his and Daniel's relationship.

Before going home after the last trial earlier, Seongwoo's father had him cornered in the parking lot. His father hasn't even opened his mouth but Seongwoo already knew what he was going to say. It was not the first time he's heard his father say such hurtful things to him, so it did not affect him anymore.

_"You're not gonna live in the same roof with me, faggot." His father snapped at him, stabbing him with his finger on the chest. "You might think you have gotten away this time, but watch me Seongwoo. I will make sure you won't marry a man."_

_Seongwoo just smiled at him, "If that's the case, then fine. I don't want to live with a raging homophobe either."_

_His father slapped him. Typical._

_"Don't show yourself to me until you finally realised how disgusting you are!"_

_"Great! More excuses to not see you!"_

_Another slap. Seongwoo was not fazed.  Why, you ask? This man spitting insults and bullshit in front of Seongwoo's face is not even his biological father. His real father died when he was just at the tender age of nine years old. Her mom remarried when he was fourteen. The said man was alright to begin with, he was caring, sweet, and family-oriented. Well, not until Seongwoo came out when he was twenty-two, with Daniel as his boyfriend._

_Seongwoo did not want to deal with such bullshit everyday, that's why he went to move in with Daniel in the younger's humble studio apartment. They lived a peaceful and quiet life together, they were happy, they were not afraid of anything._

_But not until his mother pleaded for him to agree to his father's will to marry Doyeon. Of course he rejected it at first, but when his mother incessantly cried and pleaded for him to do so, telling him that his father might do dangerous and unimaginable things if he continues to reject the marriage, then that's when he figured he had no choice._

_He broke up with Daniel to marry Doyeon and things went downhill from there._

"Are you going home to your parents, oppa?" Doyeon asked opening the door for Seongwoo who had his luggage with him.

Seongwoo lightly shook his head, "Of course not! I can't possibly go back there after so long, my father is gonna flip if he sees a gay man in his household."

"Where are you staying then?" Doyeon asked, a concerned expression donning her pretty face. "Are you gonna move back in with Daniel?"

"I bought an apartment for myself. It's a bit rude for me to invite myself to live with him since we technically broke up and haven't seen or talked to each other since that night I got wasted two months ago." Seongwoo started walking towards his car that was parked beside Doyeon's and started loading his luggages.

Doyeon pressed her lips together, "Promise me you will patch things up with Daniel, okay? I want to see you happy."

"Yes, I would. Promise me to live happily with your husband too!"

"I promise!"

They bid their final goodbyes and Seongwoo finally left with an eager heart that is finally free to get back with Daniel again. He just hopes that Daniel would gladly welcome him again.

When he arrived at his small but cozy newly-bought apartment, he patted himself on the back that he bought a fully-furnished apartment so he did not have to trouble himself with buying and organizing the furniture. He knows he's not that strong is kinda weak in many aspects (and suddenly he misses how Daniel used to take care of him and do all the tough physical work for him before) so furniture-organizing is a big no.

He decided that unpacking his stuff can wait so he settled in sleeping. He was too tired of all the documents, hearings and stress he juggled during the duration of the divorce trials.

But it was worth it.

He lies down on his bed, stares up the ceiling and thinks of all the possibilities and good things that can happen now that he's free from that damn marriage. 

Of course, these possibilities and good things included Daniel and _them_. Seongwoo can't help but smile and roll around in bed imagining him and Daniel finally getting back together and making up for the last one year they were apart.

_Tomorrow. I'll ask him to meetup tomorrow. I'll just call him and tell him that we need to talk about something important, then he'll come right?_

_Right...?_

Suddenly, a wave of anxiety hits Seongwoo.

One year was a long time. A lot could have changed in one year.

What if all those nights that Daniel came to him when he was too drunk to go home were all done because of pity?

What if Daniel fell out of love?

Or worse, if Daniel already had someone new and he just did not want to tell Seongwoo?

Seongwoo falls asleep convincing himself that everything would be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

Except, today is absolutely far from being okay. 

Seongwoo sent Daniel a text this morning asking him if they could talk about matters that could not simply be discussed over the phone. Time passed, two hours had gone by and Seongwoo still did not get any reply. He figured that maybe Daniel was busy with his dance classes that's why he was not able to respond.  Seongwoo sent another message at around twelve-thirty in the afternoon, he clearly remembered that it was Daniel's break time at this hour until two pm. He figured that he should give Daniel time, maybe he was still uncomfortable at the thought of them meeting after their break up. The night passed and Seongwoo fell asleep without getting any responses from his ex-boyfriend.

The next day, Seongwoo was in the office but his mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of Daniel.  Before he went to work earlier he decided to call Daniel, but to no avail, he still wasn't able to reach the younger man.

Suddenly, remembering how Daniel had pleaded for Seongwoo to forget about him and to never call him again, the man realized that the younger must've changed contact numbers to avoid having to receive a drunk message or call from him.

A pang of pain reverberates in Seongwoo's heart _._ He wants to be mad at Daniel, for easily giving up, for not fighting for him, but then he figures that whatever happened to them was also partly his fault. He was the one who decided to obey his parents anyways, and Daniel just respected his decision.

Seongwoo was distracted the whole morning,  thinking of ways on how he could possibly contact Daniel. His distress did not go unnoticed by his co-workers, Seongwoo easily shrugged them off by saying that it was merely an ugly hangover.

Around lunch time he went down to one of the fastfood eateries situated on their office lobby to grab himself a quick lunch.

There he saw Kim Jaehwan.

_Kim Jaehwan!!! Perfect!_

Jaehwan was Daniel's close friend since high school, coincidentally, Jaehwan also works in the same company as Seongwoo. Although in different departments, they came to know each other when Daniel brought Seongwoo along to one of their hangouts.  

"Jaehwan!" Seongwoo called out, causing the younger man to turn his head to his direction. 

"Oh! Seongwoo hyung! Hello!"

Jaehwan invited him to eat together and Seongwoo readily agreed since he also had some questions intended to be asked to the younger. They talked about random stuff since the last time they saw each other was during the company Christmas party a few months back. 

And then Jaehwan opened the topic about Daniel. 

"Daniel had it hard during the first months of your break up, honestly. He drank every night and crashed in different places, mostly Jonghyun hyung's and Jisung hyung's. But eventually, he somehow became alright...?" Jaehwan sipped his soda, "Although Jisung hyung is sure that he probably decided to suppress his pain because he did not want to burden us anymore. Did you ever had a chance to talk about the two of you after you broke up?"

"I'm sorry... for making Daniel suffer. It must be hard seeing your treasured buddy suffer like that..." Seongwoo sighed, "And not really. Aside from the occasional drunk messages and calls he received from me, we had no proper conversation after our break up."

Jaehwan hummed, leaning back on his seat, "Makes sense. But Seongwoo hyung you know he avoided you because he did not want to ruin your marriage, right? Not because he does not love you anymore?" Seongwoo went quiet at that. Honestly, he was not sure anymore. "Uh, which reminds me, how are things with you and your wife? Is there any progress?"

Seongwoo then told him about the divorce, how Doyeon and him did not really work, how Doyeon already had someone to marry, and how he still wanted to get back with Daniel.

The shift in Jaehwan's expression was evident and this did not go unnoticed by Seongwoo. 

"Why? Is there something wrong?" Seongwoo chokes out meekly.

"Nothing but, I don't think Jisung hyung would fancy the idea of the two of you getting back together. You have no idea how much he hates you, well not really hate. Hate is such a strong word. Maybe hmmm, _intensely dislikes_? you." Seongwoo sighed, he had expected this.  "But anyway, if you really want to try and reconcile with him, better do it as soon as possible."

"I've been trying to contact him, though. Did he change his number?" Seongwoo finally opened the topic.

The reason why he wanted to talk to Jaehwan is because he wanted to ask for Daniel's new number. 

Jaehwan tilted his head up, "I don't recall him changing his number recently, though? The last time he changed was around two years ago? And you were still together that time."

"That's odd. I really can't reach him. I've been trying to contact him since yesterday." Seongwoo frowned, absentmindedly stirring his already empty soda cup.

Fishing his phone from his pocket, Jaehwan was probably going to try reaching Daniel and by the expression on the younger's face, he also could not connect.

"Strange, maybe he really did change numbers. Lemme ask the other guys."

Jaehwan sent a quick text to their group chat but everyone did not know about Daniel's new number. "Actually, we also haven't heard from Daniel recently. The last time he was active  in our group chat was like four-five days ago?Oh wait, Minhyun hyung just said that he's probably busy because the kids he's handling have a contest in a week."

Seongwoo prays to the heavens that that is really the reason as to why Daniel could not be contacted. But still, that does not explain why his phone cannot be reached.

"Jisung has not seen the message yet, maybe he knows where Daniel is since he's technically Daniel's mother hen these days. But he won't be active until tomorrow morning. He just left an hour ago with his churchmates for an overnight retreat or whatever. They don't allow phones there. Let's just wait, hyung."

"I hope I get to talk to Daniel soon. I still love him Jaehwan-ah, nothing changed."

Jaehwan sent him a melancholic smile, "Don't worry hyung, I can pass by his place before I go home tonight and check on him for yoy? Sounds good?"

"Thanks, but could you please not tell him about the divorce _?_ I want to be the one to tell him."

Seongwoo finally had hope, thanks to Jaehwan.

"Sure, hyung."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was already six in the evening and the skies are slowly changing from its usual blue shade to a pinkish-orangey hue. Seongwoo finishes up his workload for the day so he can go home early and try contacting Daniel again. 

Suddenly, his phone rang. It was Doyeon.

"Hello? Doyeon?" Seongwoo asked.

"Oppa, Sunghyuk told me that there's a box that came for you this morning? It was mailed to my house. The sender probably does not know you've moved already." Doyeon stated. A frown emerged on Seongwoo's forehead, he did not remember buying something online nor expecting a package? 

"Oh well, I'll just pick it up later before I go home."

"Don't bother! I already asked Sunghyuk to take it to your apartment building."

"Perfect! Thanks Doyeon, you're the best!

"Also oppa! Sunghyuk told me that it was not a courier service that sent it. A man just brought it saying that the box was for you."

"What the hell?"

"Yeah, sounds sketchy, right? So be careful when you open it, okay? Bye now!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Seongwoo was driving home, he received a text from Jaehwan, saying that he had already gone to Daniel's place but the door was locked and it seems like no one was at home since he was knocking non-stop and there was no response. The older man managed to send a text of gratitude to Jaehwan for his efforts even if his worry and anxiety is slowly taking over him.

_There's definitely something wrong._ He thinks.  

Daniel was not the type to ignore people's, especially his close friends messages.

Daniel was also not the type to not update his friends of his new contact number.

Daniel, even if he was busy, was not the type to not talk in their group chat. Hell, Daniel was the most talkative member of their group of friends.

So the situation earlier when Jaehwan was also not able to contact Daniel, when their friends did not know about his whereabouts nor his new number-- they were all red flags to Seongwoo. But he kept himself positive, holding onto Minhyun's statement that Daniel was just busy because of work.

Seongwoo passed by one of the convenience stores to buy himself some cans of liquor. He wanted to drink, but he can't risk getting drunk on a bar right now considering that he can't drive, and he isn't sure if Daniel would be there to pick him up.

When he finally entered his building after parking his car, he went straight to the receptionist to pick up the box for him. Seemingly light, Seongwoo did not ask for any help from the staff to take it to his unit. In the elevator ride, he scanned the box, it had nothing special written from it aside from Seongwoo's name and Doyeon's address. There wasn't even any return address written on it.

_Suspicious._

He tried shaking the box and something ruffled inside.

_It doesn't seem dangerous, nor alive... I wonder what it is._

He inspects the whole exterior of the box, nothing was weird about it.  Well aside from a small tear on the tape on the upper right part of the box.

Trudging down the quiet and empty hallway, he decides that he'll just open the package tomorrow morning before he goes to work. 

The idea of getting drunk slips his mind so for now, he rests as he hopes that by tomorrow he'd be able to finally talk to Daniel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo woke up to the sound of his alarm. He set it at six thirty today,  earlier than his usual seven o' clock alarm to make time for opening the mysterious package he received yesterday. 

He decided to finish his morning routine first, he took a bath, drank his coffee (to relieve his slight hangover), and wore his work clothes. 

By the time he finally is ready to open the box, a trusty cutter in his hand, his phone rang. He flinched in surprise since no one usually calls him this early in the morning, not even his boss, not even his parents.

Jaehwan's name flashed on the screen, he figured the man on the other line must have some news regarding Daniel so he hurriedly answered the call.

"Hello? Jaehwan?"

"Hyung..." Jaehwan croaked out in a small voice, Seongwoo figured it must be because he had just woken up.  "Hyung, about Daniel... Jisung hyung already responded."

Jaehwan's tone does not seem like he would bear good news. Seongwoo braved himself for the worst.

Seongwoo feels himself break into cold sweat, "W-why? What happened to Daniel?" he stutters out. His grip on the cutter loosening due to panic.

"Nothing, he's alright. But..." Jaehwan sighed, "You should find this out yourself."

"Jaehwan, please stop beating around the bush and just tell me." 

"The box. You received a box yesterday, didn't you?"

Seongwoo froze in shock, "H-how did you know about the box?"

"Open it, hyung, and your questions will be answered. If you have more questions, you can call Jisung hyung, I'll text you his number."

Jaehwan ended the call abruptly after his statement, leaving Seongwoo in a state of shock. He was frozen in place, he did not understand how this box would answer his question. 

Nonetheless, he frantically sliced the box open. 

Seongwoo was welcomed by the sight of clothes, some books, socks, and a leather bag. He inspected one and realized that these were his own clothes, these were his own things that he hasn't seen for so long.

There was a faint but familiar smell clinging unto it and he tried to dig his mind to remember where he could associate that smell with.

And that's when it hit him.

_Daniel's detergent._

The content of the box where all of the things he most likely left in Daniel's apartment when he moved out when he married Doyeon. 

_But why... why is Daniel sending this to me just now? He had one year to do it, why just now?_

Seongwoo's mind went haywire trying to figure out how the content of this box would answer his questions, hell, it even added to his confusion all the more!

He chucked out all of the box's contents, it was mostly just clothes that must've mixed up with Daniel's so Seongwoo wasn't able to take it when he moved out, his pink sweater that Daniel liked to sniff and use as a blanket, his favorite mug that Daniel was always careful not to break while washing the dishes, his favorite beer that he left in Daniel's fridge, his body-hugging stuffed toy named Ongnable that Daniel used to be so jealous of because it got to hug Seongwoo more than Daniel did, and other small items that reminded him so much of Daniel.

It was a mental, emotional, and physical torture seeing all these stuff, but Seongwoo was desperate to know how this box would answer his questions about Daniel.

The box was finally empty.

_Is there something I'm supposed to see?_

He shook the box, turned it and inspected it from every angle but he found nothing.

That's when he noticed a small envelope that he probably did not notice earlier causing it to fall on the floor while he was hastily taking out the contents of the box. There were two papers inside, one was crumpled and one was perfectly folded. He opened the neat paper first, on it were messy scribbles, however, the handwriting does not resemble Daniel's.

 

 

> _Seongwoo,_
> 
>  
> 
> _The letter on a crumpled paper is not really supposed to be included in this box. But as I was clearing out Daniel's apartment, I figured I should include his letter for you. My only job was to deliver the things you left, but look at me meddling with your love life. (I'm sorry!)_
> 
> _Daniel originally intended to send you a letter, but he backed out because he wants you to already live in peace with your wife._
> 
> _But then I heard from one of my friends that works in the court that you filed a divorce already. Daniel did not know that anymore, because he already left by the time I knew that. Luckily, I kept this letter that he threw in the trash, just in case. Thankfully, I managed to slip it in this box (which explains the tear in the tape, if you've seen it)._
> 
> _You deserve to know Daniel's heart, Seongwoo. That's why I'm doing this. I know you're in pain, but Daniel is too. Please understand why he had to do this. - Jisung hyung._

Seongwoo's heart was beating fast, his tears were threatening to fall. _Daniel left? Where did Daniel go? What exactly did Daniel do?!_

With shaky hands he managed to fish out the crumpled paper from the envelope. This time, he finally recognized the handwriting. It was Daniel's handwriting. Seongwoo inhaled, readying himself for whatever it is that is written in the letter. 

The first thing he noticed is that the letter was dated ten days ago. Which supports Jisung's statement that Daniel never reached that point where Seongwoo is finally divorced.

  

>  
> 
> Seongwoo hyung,
> 
> Hello! You did not expect this letter, didn't you? Hehe. I'm sorry if I suddenly sent something like this out of the blue after I told you that we should forget each other already.
> 
> Sigh... It's been so long since we broke up... I miss you so much, hyung. It's also been so long since you last drunk-messaged or drunk called me. Perhaps, you're already settling in well with Doyeon? I'm glad.

  _No! I was busy with our divorce so I did not have time to drink anymore._   

> I would be lying if I told you that I don't love you anymore. A part of me hopes that you still love me and feels the same way... but a part of me hopes that you've learned how to love Doyeon so that you can already forget about me.

_No. You're the only one I love, Niel-ah. No one can ever replace you._   

>  Do you recall all those times you drunk-called me to pick you up? Hehe! I was such a fool for you to always be there whenever and wherever you need me. I had to fight all the urge to take you home, run away with you and hide you from the world during those times.

  _You should have_. _You should have done those things Niel-ah!!!! I would happily run away with you even if it means living our lives while hiding._   

> But then I remember that I am just me. Just Kang Daniel. Compared to Doyeon, I am no one. Doyeon can give you a good life, she's rich, her parents are rich, and you would not have to deal with raised eyebrows from onlookers since you're a normal hetero-couple. Unlike us, unlike me. I'm a college dropout, my salary in the talent agency is not even half of your salary in your company, my apartment is nothing compared to the mansion you live in now. I feel so irrelevant and small compared to all the people that is surrounding you now. Plus, Doyeon can also give you the family you've always wanted. I can never give you that, hyung. 

  _I don't care Niel-ah. All that matters is that we're together. You should have talked to me about all your insecurities and I could've told you that I don't give a fuck about them and that despite your lackings I would still choose you over anyone._   

> When you agreed to your parents' will of marrying Doyeon, the first thing I thought was, _am I not worthy enough of your love that you did not even try fighting for me? Was I that easy to let go? Did Seongwoo hyung even love me?_ Then I realized, you just love your mother so much that you could not endure seeing her cry and plead for you to do something. I understand because I love my mother just as much. And besides, I figured out that maybe you realized that you'll have a better life by Doyeon's side. It's painful to have such thoughts, but it's the truth and I acknowledge that.

  _It's my fault. It's all my fault Niel-ah. I shouldn't have made you feel so inferior about yourself. I should've fought for you. There could've been other ways to pacify my parents but I chose the one where I'd hurt you. I'm so sorry Niel-ah._   

> That's why I left. 

> A foreign school offered me a dance scholarship and I accepted it. By the time you're reading this I'm probably on my sixth day in a new country. I'm going to be here for quite a long time and the possibility to permanently reside here is quite high. I'm going to start anew here. Who knows, I might be able to move on from you and finally find the right one for me in that country.

_No Daniel, I am the only right one for you. I don't care if I sound selfish, but I won't be able to muster seeing you be happy with someone else that is not me. I'm supposed to be the only one to make you smile so brightly, I'm supposed to be the only one who can wake up beside you every morning, I'm supposed to be the only one you should hug and kiss, I'm supposed to be the only one who will take care of you and shower you with all the love you deserve._  

> Honestly, before, I had these thoughts that in the future we might cross paths and see each other again and finally we can be together. Maybe we're just unlucky to be real life examples of the famous saying **"right person, wrong place and wrong time.** " Hehe, I'm making a fool of myself again by sounding so hopeless.

_I'll hold on to that. In the right time and right place Daniel, I'm sure we can be together._   

> Anyways... I think it's best that you don't know which country I am in right now.  Please don't find me, please don't ask my friends because they don't know either. I cut all my contacts with everyone I know. I only told Jisung hyung that I would be leaving, but also didn't tell him which country I would go to. (Look at me assuming that you would actually be curious as to where I am LOL) I'm sorry if I sound so selfish, hyung. But I know I need to do this. Please respect my decision.

  _Niel-ah, please don't do this to me._

> But if ever we do meet someday, (hopefully not soon because how am I gonna move on from you if I see the beautiful Ong Seongwoo again? LOL) I hope I am already a better and more improved version of myself. I hope that if ever we cross paths again, I am already someone that you can be and is proud of, not just the mere shameful drunkard and dumb Kang Daniel who's a lazyass who did not finish college. 

_I was always proud of you Niel-ah. I never was ashamed to have you as my partner in everything I do._   

> Always remember hyung to take care of yourself, okay? Please be happy, always.  

> I love you.  

> But don't worry, this will be the last time I'd be saying this because I promised myself that I must get over you soon.

_No! This can't be the last time you say that Niel-ah! Please don't stop loving me._   

> Best wishes to you, Doyeon, and your future family.       

                                                                                                                               Love, your loyal puppy, Niel-ie.

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwoo felt the world caving in on him, like he was being drowned in his own tears, choked by an invisible force causing him to run out of breath. 

Just when he thought that his divorce with Doyeon would finally be the key to him and Daniel getting back together. 

Just when he thought he could finally be happy with Daniel.

Reality slaps him in the face with the harsh truth that things are not as easy as it is expected to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR ALL THE ANGST OMG I KNOW YOU ALL WANT ONGNIEL TO MEET AND BE TOGETHR AGAIN BUT HERE I AM (EVIL LAUGH) MAKING IT HARD FOR THE BOTH OF THEM TO DO SO.
> 
> I'm definitely going to post a final chapter this time, so expect it. ;))))
> 
> Happy holidays everyone!!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> Ps: i really like reading comments so do leave some!! When i have time i would reply (soon!!!!)


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